Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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