I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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