3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
