have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
