Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
