Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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