i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
