I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
