I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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