just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize