JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The air was thick with penises
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
