Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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