last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
