Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize