Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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