Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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