trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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