I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
