The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize