I cannot find my penis.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
