Someone shattered a urinal.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
