Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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