my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
