Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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