I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
