Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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