Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
