Porn is love you can see.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
