I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize