This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
