i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
