I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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