how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
