Kiss
Puke
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
