Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
