Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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