I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
