I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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