Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
