i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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