Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my shit smells like andre
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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