I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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