Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize