How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
