Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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