Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's shark week go big or go home
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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