Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pants are for mortals
soo... how was my night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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