I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
