everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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