only you would photoshop your dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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