oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
