Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
