I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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