I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
