You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
