she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
