you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Couch. On fire.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize