This is not my ceiling
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
