so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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